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Imagine a world in which you are surround by Karri trees as far as the eye can see. Imagine a world in which kookaburras watch your every move (and laugh their arses off at you for no particular reason making you question if your shirt is inside out, or your pants back to front). Imagine a world in which you unleash your inner primitive self. I’m talking about a world where there are no ovens, hot plates or gas barbecues just the primitive magic that is fire… Ok I’m gonna go ahead and stop myself right there. A world in which there were no gas barbecues would be a world I probably would have starved in. I’m gonna let you all in on a little secret here… Starting fires has never been a strong point of mine… I thought I almost had it but no, turns out that wasn’t the case. Sure I can get one started in a fire place, but getting a fire going in the big bad world known as nature… yeah, no such luck.

Almost Campfire Beans-0717

By now you are all probably thinking I’m some crazy person who likes to start fires for no particular reason (don’t call the police!). Well you’re wrong. It was early, it was cold and I hadn’t eaten for 12 hours… That’s a lie I never sleep for 12 hours… let’s go with 8 hours. Apparently no one has quite mastered the art of eating while you sleep… What’s the world coming too. Anyway as I was saying, I’m not entirely at fault with my inability to light a fire here, you see in that 8 hours nature unleashed the biggest downpour of rain that I didn’t see, obviously, as I was sleeping. Yeah nature was out to say no fire for you. Well I got nature back at its own game, I unleashed my inner boy scout and improvised… thank you to whoever came up with the gas bbq (I tried to look smart and google the first guy who ‘invented’ the gas bbq… but google failed to provide a quick enough answer for my short attention span).

At least with all these technological advances when there’s no fire there’s always gas… unless you run out of gas… if that’s the case you really should just give up and go and stuff your face with some awfully bad fast food ‘breakfast’. But fortunately for me the BBQ had gas and I could stuff my face with the deliciousness that is Almost Campfire Baked Beans. For those of you more manly/skillfull/ has nature on their side and manage to get a fire going, cook these beans on that and send me a photo so I can sit in a corner and be ashamed of myself. I’ll also send you a gold star… not a real one, just a digitised version that resembles a star and is slightly tinted gold. But really, send me your best camp fire meal, go on make me jealous.

This recipe required something close to my heart, something that without I’d be a mere shell of a human, a walking zombie a blah blah blah I’ll get on with it. It requires coffee, and if you are anything like me you will know that Nescafe does not even count as coffee, if you think it does perhaps we need to reevaluate our friendship? Or perhaps you just need some re-educating. If anyone other than my Mum is reading this, you will probably have also read this little ramble right here and you would know that I spent a little time in the great South West recently. You will probably have also read that on the way down I stopped in at a little place known as Kahve Roasting. I picked up two bags of freshly roasted whole bean goodness (including Mexican beans!)  and man this is the best liquid gold known to man (you can’t drink oil so it doesn’t count).

Oh actually one last thing… I’m claiming this one as a vegetarian dish… even though I had fully intended to pack this sucker full of diced speck… which I rediscovered in the fridge later that day… Idiot! That being said these beans were 100% A-Okay without the speck… Ok now it’s thanks and bye.

Serves 6


Almost Campfire Baked Beans

1 hrTotal Time

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  • 1 glug of olive oil
  • 1 smallish onion, diced (or half a large onion)
  • 2 jalapeños, sliced (don't be a wimp leave the seeds in)
  • 1 teaspoon smoked paprika
  • 1x juice from 1 lemon
  • 1 good splash of Worcestershire sauce
  • 100ml fresh brewed coffee
  • 1x 400g tin of cannelloni beans
  • 1x 400g tin of tomatoes (I buy whole tomatoes because squishing them is fun, also I find them tastier)
  • 1 small bunch of parsley to garnish

Now What?

  1. Preheat the oven to 160'c
  2. Place a frying pan over a medium heat and add the oil and onion. Cook for 5 minutes until the onion has softened, then add the jalapeños and paprika and cook for another 2 minutes.
  3. Add the lemon juice, Worcestershire sauce and coffee. Continue to cook for another 4 minutes.
  4. Add the beans, tomatoes and mix well.
  5. Cover and place in the oven for about 35 minutes or until thickened and looking delicious.
  6. Serve on some toast, with a cup of coffee and eat it outside... it'll taste better.




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